An intensely beautiful Jew im-d me on JDate.
I asked him if those were really his pictures, or if they came with a picture frame.
He asked if he could call me. I didn’t really feel like working, so I said sure.
I wish I had recorded this phone call. Because I’m sitting here in shock. I don’t even know where to begin….
So, it turns out — he and his roommate are sharing their JDate membership. They want to meet me at once. And then we can all go out together on dates, or I could meet them both and then go out on individual dates with them. “It would be like a reality TV dating show,” he said. “Because we’re going to come home and talk about you anyway. And if you like one of us better, there would be no hard feelings.”
But, ideally, they’re trying to score a three-way. They’re both former models — and strippers. The guy who called me says he’s only stripped like 5 or 6 times. But his roommate does it ALL THE TIME. Not for money, but for fun. Because they don’t need cash — one is an attorney and one is an accountant. They just like taking their clothes off for girls. That makes them hot. The guy told me that my accent on the phone made him hot.
Uhm… I’m not interested in a three-way. A friend of mine had one with two guys 10 years ago and that’s the greatest sex story I’ve ever heard. But I don’t want to. I’m too old for this.
If that’s what you’re looking for. I don’t want to stop you, I said.
Oh, you won’t, he said.
He asked me where my friend lives.
Does she look like you? he asked.
No, she’s African American.
I’ve never been with a black girl before. And I definitely want to, he said.
Yeah, she’s seeing someone. I don’t think she’d want to do you and your friend.
I know that on JDate, everyone is pretty much dating a bunch of other people at once. Everyone goes home from a not-so-great date, logs on, and finds someone else to go out with. Everyone is exploring their options –but usually not at once. And I’m really a one-guy-at-a-time type of girl. I work alone.
He was telling me about this male strip club in Canada he and his friend want to go to. “But we have to take dates,” he said.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I heart male strippers. I think they’re fun. In college, I edited the women’s center’s magazine. And we were trying to think of an event that would bring women to the women’s center (because a lot of girls didn’t know where it was) and I suggested male strippers. (My idea got vetoed, instead we had a poetry reading and the five girls who knew where the center was came.)
But I don’t want to date strippers. And then I got this weird feeling that maybe this guy was already dating his “activity partner.” The answer he gave when I asked him was really not as firm as I’d like.
He said he really wanted to meet me because we have so much in common.
What do we have in common? I asked. That we’re both from the South and we’re both 33?
It takes a lot to shock/surprise/stun me. But, he wins. I didn’t expect a Cinemax-after-dark-style conversation at 2 p.m.
Are you actually Jewish? I asked.
Yeah, he said. I’m reform.